Show yourself grace

I’m feeling all sorts of out-of-whack lately, probably because my mood YESTERDAY matches the weather TODAY. When I got off work yesterday I literally wanted to put on some oversized pants, throw my hair up, take my makeup off and… curl in a ball. Anticlimactic, right? But I’m a wife and a mom and my people need me to be a fully-functioning adult. Adulting is hard sometimes, ya feel me?

These types of blog posts fully remove me and toss me far away from my comfort zone. If you know me personally, you might likely describe me as an optimist, a jokester, and overall, I generally try my best to find the positive. Sure, I struggle. If I’m being honest, more days than not feel downright hard and if life is a balancing act, I may as well add professional juggler to the list of hats I wear. The people-pleaser in me ends each day with feeling like I didn’t do enough, despite not having a break in the day long enough to pee, and I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m human.

I spent my first year of this business being more of an optimist than a realist. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll always be an optimist to a fault. But, I was so optimistic about everything, reaching all my goals at once, and just hustling like I was in a race against life, that I was doing more and taking on more than one can truly handle. It wasn’t until my first year-in-review business planning that I was able to see that this was more harmful than good, and while I had come so far, some things aren’t meant to be an overnight success. I came to a place where I was finding the most encouragement from people being raw and genuine, and being willing to share just as much (if not more) of their learning experiences as their successes. I was tired of only seeing people’s ‘highlight reels’ and starting to feel like I was failing at it all because my journey in this business looked quite a bit messier in comparison. And it’s no coincidence this blog platform was born right at the same general timeframe as this mental breakthrough moment. So, here’s to the 1,000th pledge of being honest, sharing my struggles, and hoping that it’s an encouragement to someone else. It’s easy to share the highs and the successes and to make everything seem as though it’s a homerun, but that does very little for others on their own path to whatever they’ve been called to do.

I’m sharing this because I feel the need to accept fault, be honest, genuine, and to encourage. Not to shame anyone, make someone feel like they’ve been blasted, or anything other than share my heart and my learning experiences. You may scroll my social media accounts from time to time and think I’ve just got it all together. Refer back to paragraphs 1-3… I don’t. And I’m thankful I don’t because it’s a breath of fresh air to come to the realization every now and again that I’m not perfect. Whew, pressure off. But hear me out when I say I never stop trying to be a better me, a better business owner, today than I was yesterday.

I recently received a message on one of my social media accounts from a potential client asking for information on my sessions. It is my goal to always respond within 24 hours, and 99% of the time I don’t even wait half that long. I’ve had e-mails get shoved in spam, my website web forms did this a lot when I first launched my site and I didn’t even think about it being a possibility until it happened, and then there are times where life was exceptionally crazy and I just straight up missed the 24-hour mark. Though few and far between, it does happen. And in this particular instance, I read the e-mail in the middle of a night time feeding with my son and I fell back asleep, with full intention of checking my calendar when I got to work the next day. And I forgot. Do I hate that I forgot? Absolutely. This a business and customer service is important. But I was reminded, (ER, no.. slapped in the face, heart-sank-to-my-stomach, notified in a follow up e-mail at the 48-hour mark) that I was sure to ruin my business with my non-responsiveness.

Remember when I admitted I was a people-pleaser? This about killed me. In the moment, I had about 200 responses come to mind. But the one that ultimately won came from an odd and unlikely place, given the circumstances, of thankfulness. I wanted to let her know how she made me feel and that if she only knew my heart she’d know I didn’t intentionally ignore her, I just made a mistake. But she didn’t care about that, and it wasn’t worth it. I’m a business owner, and the only thing I needed to do was apologize.

See, sometimes it takes falling flat on your face, being metaphorically gut-punched, sick to your stomach type of “failure” to learn and to be better because of it. Do I want to learn all of my lessons this way? Absolutely not. It sucked. The way the conversation evolved shattered me, knocked me to a low for the day, made me angry, made me question if this business is even for me (crazy, right?!). Nothing I said, no matter how kind or how apologetic, or how relatable I was to the fact that she’s obviously going through something much bigger than my 24-hour late response even mattered. It made me feel like a complete and total failure, though an honest mistake, and in that moment I disregarded all of the things that I do well and let myself focus on this one detail so much so that I questioned everything. CRAZY.

At the end of the day I learned two things: People will always expect more out of you than you’re able to give at times, and priorities matter. I am a wife and a mom before I am anything else, and I am human.  I take full responsibility for being a day late on my response, don’t mistake that, but I should’ve shown myself a lot more grace. And second, it’s one more way I learned (the hard way) to serve my clients better. I went home last night and I set an auto-reply on my e-mail. I packed it full of as much content as possible in order to provide my potential clients with as much information on the FAQs I receive daily, and provided resources in the meantime within seconds of e-mailing me. I poured my heart and soul into this e-mail and read it back to myself 400 times to make certain that people would feel cared for and like their time is precious, because it is. And while not a fool proof way to avoid my own human mistakes, it’s a step in the right direction. If I implement nothing new as a result of this situation, I’m doing myself and my clients a huge disservice. I’m not able to look back on the past few years of my business and feel success without seeing all the MANY challenges I’ve overcome, all the times I fell flat on my face first, and that’s the way it should be.

If you’re starting your business and you’re deep into the grunt stage, I see you. If you’re a tired mom that feels like you’re so spent that you’re failing in more ways than one, I see you. If you’re a people-pleaser, and you’re on the receiving end of a nasty e-mail, I see you. And if you’re giving your best and juggling so much and you’ve made a mistake and it kind of feels like the end of the world, I see you, too. And it’s not, I promise. I want to tell you to show yourself grace, you’re human. You can only get up again tomorrow and try again. We’re all just trying to reach our own dreams, and as long as you keep trying, you’re still in this and you haven’t failed.

If you made all the way to the end of this, you deserve cookies. I promise to always celebrate your successes with you, but to always be relatable in the struggles, too. You can do it. You are doing it, and you’re doing a wonderful job at it.

Thanks for following along on this little dream of mine.

XOXO, Taylor

This is my mission field

This weekend I went to an all-day women’s conference at our church, and it was powerful. If you’ve read some of my previous blog posts, you know I work full time in addition to photography. While adding photography means I sometimes get less time with my people, it’s taught me efficiency in my workflow, what’s truly important in life, and made our time together extremely special. But, I struggle at times feeling like even though life is a constant balancing act, I wrestle with the thoughts of I’m JUST a wife and a mom and an accountant and a photographer. JUST. Nothing more.

I’ll be honest – I was prepared with every excuse under the sun to avoid going to the conference. Weekends are my time to decompress, to love on my guys, to sleep in and not miss a single cuddle, and if it isn’t work-related, my son is with me. To leave for an entire day just wasn’t going to happen if I had my way, and like anything else in life, I learned MY way is not the best way unless it aligns with HIS way. Many things hit me like a ton of bricks, but I’m going to focus on a few takeaways that I cannot get out of my head.

I usually use lots of words to portray my heart; it’s my style and it’s just in general how I relay my thoughts. I’ve heard my husband tell me countless times over our relationship to “get to the point”… aka remove the detail and give the short version. Apparently 20 minutes of stage setting for my stories is a little much for his attention span (and is also a key difference in men versus women, haha!). But in this case, I’m going to get right to it because if you’re going through a similar season, this is going to hit you just as hard whether 7 words or 700 – I promise.

First, you don’t have to be called to something extravagant to have a purpose- being saved by grace means you have a calling as a child of God. It doesn’t take being called to be a missionary in Africa (or in my case, the most popular and well-known wedding photographer in the universe) to have purpose, rather, your mission field is between your two feet. Being a wife, a mom, an accountant, and a photographer and just doing all of that well. Right where I’m at. A lot of times we get hung up on the fact that what we’re doing has little impact, but we must remember that God didn’t ask us to move mountains to reach people, and oftentimes we overcomplicate it all. I’m guilty of this. I am not JUST any of these things, I was called to each of them and whether I’m reaching 4 hearts or 4,000, I should approach it intentionally and know that even in the simple, God is using me for greatness.

Second, and off the heels of the first point, I spend a lot of time meticulously trying to ensure that I am successful in all that I do. I’ve written a blog post before that defines, in my own words, what I feel like success is and how it drives my work ethic.  But, in my quest of being perfect at all the things (hello- this is impossible), I metaphorically almost kill myself trying to perfectly plan and execute my goals. I am guilty of twisting my purpose to align with my desires, and instead of trusting that God will always provide, I unintentionally approach Him with my own plans for my life, asking that he just bless it, but don’t mess with it.

I get up on Mondays and wish I didn’t have to work. I wish I could be home with my son, and I seriously despise the debt that forces me to entrust him to someone else’s care all week. My sisters all stay home either full time or part time and it intensifies the mom guilt feeling like one day my son will grow up and wonder why I didn't do the same. And I sit at my job some days and just feel like I'm missing out on so much, like Im behind on living the dream of my sisters and I raising an army of cousins together. So I take on more work, and I obsess over the cash flow and spend a ton of energy trying to get myself where I want to be, and I forget to reflect on how I even got where I’m at. I literally walked into my current job unqualified for it. I remember feeling like I must’ve been sleeping when I read the job description and applied because after revisiting it, I couldn’t possibly get an interview. I remember when I first launched my photography business and how far my work and my pricing and my purpose has evolved. How I’ve always had enough work- no more, no less. How I’ve been fully booked, by my own definition, for almost three years. How my bills are paid, and then some. How I have a home to sleep in, food to eat, a wonderful husband, the sweetest little boy, the most amazing childcare, and the list goes on. Do I really think I can do this better than He can?

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Y’all. There were tears, A LOT OF TEARS. I am confident the group of women at my discussion table thought I was and am emotionally unstable, but I walked away feeling refreshed, a confirmation of my purpose regardless of how big or small it feels at times, renewed, excited, and recommitted to making sure I never forget to use my mission field to point back to the one who gave it to me. To make sure I stop comparing myself to others to define success because I have to remember that it's not up to me whether this is successful or not. But also  to never stop loving my clients and showing them that I am so thankful because they were hand-picked for me. To never let this feel like it isn’t a calling, and to always treat it as one by pouring my entire self into it. One of my favorite quotes of the weekend that I feel like I’ve internally chanted since Saturday perfectly ends this post, that I hope you find just as encouraging as I did. In your own journey to being successful at whatever it is you’ve been called to do…

Go where you’re sent, stay where you’re put, and give everything you’ve got until you’re done.

Thanks for following along on this dream of mine. If you have time, catch up on some of my previous blog posts below!

XOXO, Taylor

Family | The Horns

Amber and I went back and forth in many e-mails trying to nail down the perfect date and time for their family pictures. Once we nailed it down, naturally, the stress of picking out a cohesive look for the family begins. Seriously though, this is probably one of my favorite parts.. having my clients reach out and value my advice and just trust me to provide them with these special memories. She showed me the dress she was planning to wear and we went back and forth about the boys' attire, and by the time the session actually got here, I felt like I had known them forever. I love that.

I have a healthy respect for moms who book an hour session with their kids. Don't get me wrong, I love it. I think memories are so important, but can I be honest? I chickened out of a full hour session and booked a shorter one for my own family portraits because the stress of expecting my kid to hold it together and not act like world's biggest banshee for a whole hour was too daunting.

Caleb was a dream. He's nine months old, it wasn't warm despite the sunshine, and this kid rocked it. Of course we had to become friends first, but luckily for him, I have a little one not too much older and I'm used to acting a fool (with a side of fart noises) and we were set. Look at those baby blues and those sweet, little teeth! Ah!

Here's a few more of my favorites from my time with the Horn Family.

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Thanks for following along on this little dream of mine!

XOXO, Taylor

Family | The Rohlfings

I know, I know- It’s not too often you see family sessions in my portfolio, and it’s not because I don’t enjoy them, but truthfully, when I first started this business, it wasn’t where I saw my best work (own worst critic here). As a result, it wasn’t where I found myself the most comfortable or confident and so I didn’t continue to invest my efforts here. After feeling out many avenues, it’s no secret I’ve established my niche with couples, but with a cute little almost 11-month-old at home, motherhood and family give me a connection with a new market that I didn’t previously share. I’ve been using this “slow season” (which is so not slow anymore), to really stretch and challenge myself—gone are the days of letting fear cripple me, right out the window with the days of making decisions without the assistance of my heart and what feels right.

Facebook has this funny way of connecting you with people that you may otherwise have never known. I mean some people I’m pretty sure I’ve known forever by learning so much about them from social media and mutual friends, yet I’ve never actually met. My older sister Tiffany had her third son in December. I don’t know if she’d appreciate me saying this, but anyone with even just one or two kids can understand that kids aren’t always cute little cuddlers. Tiff knew she wanted more kids, but with two (ridiculously cute) crazy boys, she just wasn’t quite ready for number three. Though, God always has His own, much better plan- right? Nonetheless, she was scared, nervous and down-right not ready.

Fast forward to the end of her pregnancy, and I believe that no matter how many times one has birthed a child, you still kind of fear the process. Tiff was nervous, but ready and excited. She had him in the middle of the night, and if you’ve ever heard anything about any of our birth stories- our babies essentially fly out, and Micah was no exception. He spent his first few days in the NICU, and that was hard on all of us just wanting to meet and snuggle the newbie, though, especially hard on Tiff and Josh. I remember when she had Amanda as a familiar face, being Micah’s NICU nurse for most of his time there, and I think we all felt a little sense of relief just for the sake of some familiarity. And I don’t think it’s any coincidence that I found myself in a position feeling like God was using me to bless her family during their own challenges.

Amanda and Andrew have a sweet little boy, Gavin, and Amanda is nearing the end of her pregnancy with their second child. Andrew serves in the military and recently found out with extremely little notice that he would soon be deploying. I’m not going to sit here and act like for one second I understand the sacrifice this requires from either side of the situation: Andrew having to leave his family for a period of time, missing out on the birth of their child, and Amanda needing to be wife, mom, homemaker, and the one to just keep things afloat in his absence. She reached out to me wanting last minute maternity and family pictures, considering the circumstances. I don’t know what I expected, but the whole session I was just amazed at how everything felt seamless and the strength that they showed. They laughed, they loved, they parented, they just did the norm, and you’d never have known the challenge and fear they are facing. This, no doubt, was God’s way of putting things into perspective for me. I wont bore you with the demons I’ve been facing in my own life, but I’ll tell you that they pale in comparison to this chapter in their life, and I was overdue for a healthy dose of perspective. Andrew and Amanda feel blessed by me, but they have no idea that it’s me who’s been blessed by them.

If you get a second, will you join with me in prayer for their family? Each and everyday we should be praying for our military. They are truly sacrificing so much for all of us to enjoy our everyday freedoms that we often take for granted. Hug a service member today, tell them you’re thankful for them- I guarantee you’ll be equally blessed.

Thanks for following along on this little dream of mine.

XOXO, Taylor

Portraits | Brittnie

It’s no secret how much I love photographing couples in their most defining moments together. Engagement and wedding photography is where I feel myself letting go and just being the creative I believe I was called to be, which is the top reason I love it so much. It doesn’t feel like “work”, it feels like I’m playing a small part in a million fairy-tales, and could anyone really ask for a better “job”?!

It gives me a reason to feel connected, vulnerable, an excuse to be transparent and to build some seriously incredible friendships. It’s connected me with a group of people and given me a purpose that feels larger than me, and don’t we all have a small part in us that longs for that? But in this slow season, I’ve found myself growing wings I never intended to, and reaching people I wasn’t necessarily marketing to, that has even more defined me as an artist.

Brittnie reached out to me for portraits for a fashion blog she is launching soon. I remember when I was launching this business, and I was using one of my bridal portraits for my “headshot”. I mean, who doesn’t love a picture of themselves in their wedding gown? It’s tough to feel more beautiful than that. But, quickly I realized it wasn’t an appropriate portrayal of me and didn’t connect me to my ideal market. I needed something more, something personal, yes, but something that fit my everyday personality and felt more casual.

I remember replacing that picture with a real headshot. The first time I’d been on the other side of a camera holding my own to show the world that I was a professional. I was so thankful for those headshots because it felt official, it felt like I had put together another piece of the puzzle, and made another step forward. It was my first time having someone else really contribute to my business, and that felt surreal, that someone would care enough about my dreams to help me with this (thanks, Alysha!!).

Needless to say, I was so excited when Brittnie reached out. The fact that she trusted me enough with her vision to help launch her own little dream is really encouraging. Not to mention, she is stunning, and I just feel so fortunate to get to help others through this side of the lens.

Thanks for following along on this little dream of mine! Stay tuned for the launch of Southern Belle Confidential, the newest fashion blog hitting the internet soon! I have no doubt she’s going to KILL it!

XOXO, Taylor

God is always right on time

This was not the blog post I intended to write today, but sometimes things happen and they bring something to light that feels like it needs to be shared. I believe things come to the forefront of my mind not by chance, but because there’s someone somewhere that’s sharing a struggle with me that could benefit from hearing my story.

When it comes to this business, or really any career/hobby/what have you, you have to be your own biggest cheerleader. Bare with me here. If you didn’t already know, I am an accountant by trade. In this profession, it’s a routine part of the job to be evaluated to really assess where I’ve been, the steps I’ve taken to get to where I currently am, what my strengths AND weaknesses are, and what goals I’ve set to continue to see growth. Though uncomfortable at times, I believe being intentional is important, and while in the moment it may seem like my time could be well spent elsewhere, I owe it to my bosses and to myself to ensure I am always striving to be a better version of myself. The same goes for this business- I owe it to myself, and more importantly, my clients to prove that I’m never going to settle for just being good. I’m someone’s investment, being great is the goal. Not just for me, but for them. Are price tags daunting at times? Yep. Do I fight the urge to invest at times because something else seems more attractive? Absolutely. But when it comes to both equipment and education, having the right tools to support my growth has never been a bad investment.

I’m an overall positive person. My personality is one that has evolved into this life-isn’t-meant-to-be-so-serious type that seems to joke off tension, and overall I just find joy being the source of someone else’s smile and laughter. But lately, in between the blog posts, Instagram and Facebook posts, and prompt e-mail replies, I’ve found myself ultra-frustrated at what, to me, feels like inconsistency. In my head I know exactly what I want each end product to look like, MY style. My own, unique “look”. The straight out of camera product looks good and professional, the composition feels right, everything seems in balance, but the style feels off. I adjust this, or alter the level of that, or make a tweak here and change the tone there, but it still isn’t exactly what I envisioned.

This past weekend I had a nice, little come-to-Jesus with myself internally. If it meant staying up all night, I was going to do what it took to bring to life what has been in my mind since I launched this thing. While I know I’ve done my absolute best and brought everything to the table that I possibly could to each session, I’ve grown tired- nope, exhausted of feeling like my results fell short when it came to a cohesive and consistent style. I didn’t want to give in and succumb to the thought of just buying someone else’s preset or Lightroom action, I wanted to figure this thing out and finally get to a place of confidence in my own work. Confidence every single time, every single session. Do I feel like I've learned everything I need to know and that my growth has reached its maximum? Nope - I'm certain I'll face struggle again, but the point is that God uses you even in your weakest hour to prove himself to you. To prove that your dreams do matter.

I believe this slow season has been “hard” for me mentally because God was bringing me to this place, doing a work in me all along to be a voice of encouragement to someone else struggling just as I have been. I never wanted this to be an overnight success, though it would have been an easier road, challenges bring the best growth, and great things don’t happen overnight. I’ve cried, I’ve prayed, I’ve literally had thoughts of admitting defeat and giving up, and I’m sure I’ve annoyed my close friends and family with my self-doubts and pity parties lately, but God used someone on Sunday to breathe life into my purpose again. And God showed himself, and re-confirmed my purpose in this whole thing this past weekend. If it feels like I’ve overshared my recent work, I have. I’m proud, I’ve finally been able to put what’s been in my head on “paper”, and though maybe not 100% relatable because maybe you’re not a photographer struggling with finding your style, just know that this is a simple example to prove that God cares about even the smallest of our desires. God is doing a work in your own life and circumstance to prove His purpose. And through all the frustration, exhaustion, and feelings of self-doubt and defeat, know that trusting him WILL bring timely confirmation.

As always, thanks for following along on this little dream of mine.

XOXO, Taylor

Engaged | David + Stacy

It's no secret I've been anxiously awaiting this session. This post is on picture overload, so if you're opposed to a ridiculous amount of cuddles and nuzzling and really just adorableness level 10, then you should go ahead and forego reading any further (but who the heck doesn't love all that?!). 

I remember when Stacy met David, she was on cloud nine from the start and you could see her radiate joy talking about him. Stacy and I have been best friends for almost 10 years (time FLIES!) and I'd seen her show interest in certain guys over the years, but David was so different and we both kinda figured we'd all be here some day. Thank God that panned out, because David makes her some kind of happy, and vice versa really, and that's about the most a best friend could ever hope for.

Stacy is the best friend everyone deserves, and I'm just fortunate enough to call her mine. We've truly been through it all together, but to sum up a committed friend in a short blog post: she has loved me through the highs and many lows, she's forgiven me when I wasn't the friend she deserved, she was the single only friend to make it to my baby shower, and after I'd gotten married and started my adult life, she moved in with me so I didn't have to be alone while my husband's job training had him living elsewhere for six months. Yeah, she's incredible. I'll save the rest of the sappy-ness for my matron-of-honor speech when these two get married April 2018, which is already written (I'm not even joking), but David hit the jackpot with this one. Stacy did pretty good with David, too. And by 'pretty good', I mean I couldn't have hand-picked someone better for the girl who deserves the world. I love you both!

Thanks for following along on this little dream of mine! Click the buttons below to read some of my previous posts!

XOXO, Taylor

Why blogging is so important to me

It’s been two months of having a blog, and I constantly find myself both amazed at the difference it’s made in my business, yet frustrated that I went two full years making my website and blog anything but a top priority. Two years of advertising only through social media, two years of spending hours back and forth in e-mails with clients in order to get all questions answered prior to booking, and overall just not using this God-given platform to its full potential because I didn’t have the right tools to convey my heart.

I realize every time I write a post, though I pour my heart and soul into each one, I may have an audience of one, and that one person might be me. But, that’s okay. I also realize that when I write a post, it may speak to some and it may be a learning opportunity to others that I’m not the photographer for them, and that’s okay too. That’s the risk I’m willing to take in being true to myself, honoring God in the talent he’s given me, and being a light and a positive outlet to others. It seems like an odd thought process, because business is business right? And the point is to book, right? Well, yes. BUT, this business isn’t just about me. Truthfully, hardly about me at all. My intent for this business is to use it to serve others, and to serve others well. The best way I can.

Have you ever wondered what your true purpose is? I mean, though some days it may feel like it, my purpose can’t be just to go to work and pay bills, can I get an amen? It took me a long time to really feel like I had a purpose other than just going through the motions of this crazy thing called life, and when I felt like this business may be what I was called to do, I still fought it hard because… insecurities. I wouldn’t book. I’d never have time. People wouldn’t care what I had to say. I’d never be as good as them. And thinking back on all the whys that held me back for so long, I see that each of them have turned into something intentional and motivating in my quest to spread love and encouragement.

Blogging is the piece of the package I was missing the most, and I didn’t even realize it. Truth is, I am always short on time, people might not care what I have to say, and I may always be compared to others and come up short, but I’ve come to a place where I feel so strongly that my clients deserve to know me personally, to feel like they’re my number one and not just my transaction of the day, and to feel beautiful and important and valuable. It was a lofty goal for my 2017 to have my sessions blogged within 24 hours, and I’m sure there will be times where it’s just not possible, but for now it’s happening, and it’s a blessing to me to be able to get what’s on my chest out there, if even just for me. It’s my mission to ensure the excitement of each session never weakens, and that my clients get to see how beautiful they are almost immediately. It’s not about filling my books, though exciting when it happens… it’s about preserving the time to give each client everything I have, and everything they deserve. I never know who’s following, who’s reading, or when a potential client will stumble across my site and find just what they’re needing, but I’m making it a purpose to live out my purpose. I pray that I always make this less about numbers, and more about the people. If it means one client or a thousand, the fact that they chose me is worth it.

XOXO,

Taylor